The most outrageous T-Shirts that I have seen in recent memory has to be a toss up between the T-shirt that lambasted our former President George W Bush and the x-rated “Blowjob is better than No Job” T-shirt. The Blowjob T-Shirt in particular was executed very well with very bold white lettering against a black background – very simple and to the point, elegant and classy in its own vulgar way.

I was walking through the Night Bazaar last year when I saw the Blowjob T-shirt. I did a double take as it was so outrageous and I had the sales clerk hold it up for me so I could take a picture. Walking away from the outdoor shop, I suddenly reversed directions and headed back to the shop. I had decided to to buy the T-shirt as a collector’s item.

Most Thai people cannot read or understand English very well; those that are well versed in English – like my ladyfriend, Khun Moongmink – do not know what the expression blow job means anyhow. Even the Thai people who understand the meaning of Blow Job might chuckle when looking at the T-Shirt or look the other way. You must understand that as a Buddhist country, Thailand is a very tolerant country. There is an expression in Thai, “Mai Pen Rai”. Literally it means Never Mind or Who Cares which really describes Thai mentality to a tee.

Back in the USA, I have to be very careful where and when I wear this Blowjob T-shirt as I would be inviting a lot of stares, and I can imagine that many ladies would be very disgusted. Who knows, some very prude lady might make a complaint to the local police!

To give you an idea of my dining expenses, I had a western style breakfast - two eggs, a small glass of fruit juice and toast - at Four Leaves Cafe, located across the street from Traders Hotel. It cost me all of 4.00RM (1.35USD). I also had lunch at a small local eatery (across the street from Traders) that offered only Halal and Indian dishes. The lunch cost me all of 3.60RM (a little over $1.00USD).

My dinner expenses for the three nights that I was in Penang were as follows:

• First night - Woodlands ….. 14.30RM
• 2nd night - Sri Anan Bahwani …17.50RM
• 3rd night - Luk Yea Yan… 23.60RM

The first two are very respectable Indian restaurants located in Little India, while the third restaurant is a very proper vegetarian Chinese eatery

There are a bunch of moderately upscale restaurants and cafes - including McDonald’s at the big shopping center located next door to Traders. On the bottom floor of the mall is the ever popular Starbucks.

Starbucks To put the cost of dining in MALAYSIA in perspective, consider this - if you go to a local Starbucks, a Veinte Latte will set you back 12.10RM (3.40USD) and a Veinte Americano 8.35RM (2.35USD). These prices are what Westerners are used to paying, but for Malaysians, Starbucks represents a big splurge!

Nightlife About 1.2 Kilometers away from Traders Hotel is Georgetown’s Pink Zone, a very touristy area with many upscale clubs & bars, trendy restaurants and outdoor bistros. Most of Western tourists can be seen congregating here at night. Be prepared to spend some serious monies if you go there.

Taxi For 7 ½ hours of touring, I paid 270RM, the equivalent of 76USD! Not too bad, my taxi driver was happy and I was haPee!

Note: 1.00USD = 3.55 Ringit (RM)

Many tourists visit a replica of a Thai Wat – inside the temple complex is a mock version of the famous reclining Buddha. Across the street was a replica of a Burmese temple - again I’ve seen Burmese style temples in Northern Thailand and those were the authentic article. Needless to say, I didn’t spend much time here.

Next up was a Hindu temple – many Hindis gathered here on this Sunday, most of them dressed up in their traditional garb. Apparently there was a special festival being celebrated on this day, and everybody was enjoying the vegetarian feast that was hosted by the temple. They invited me - a total outsider - to partake of the feast. While I helped myself to lunch, I also made a donation to the temple.

The View at Penang Hill The biggest tourist trap in Penang. Most people take a funicular to a viewpoint located about 830 meters (2750 feet) above sea level, the highest point in Penang. While I am not fond of tourist traps, I admit that there are some absolutely spectacular panoramic views of Georgetown, the Straits of Malacca and Peninsular Malaysia. You can even see the long causeway which connects Penang Island with the mainland.

As I visited Penang Hill on the last Sunday of the holidays, the place was jammed with tourists – mostly from Kuala Lumpur and Singapore. Besides the view, there was a ‘horse and pony show’ going on – a crowd gathered around to watch fellow tourists pose with pythons draped around their necks.

The Monkeys of Penang Botanic Gardens If you have a limited amount of time, can take “A mini-shuttle bus” for a quick tour of the gardens. The star attraction of the gardens are the long tailed macaques, medium sized monkeys that freely roam the park. These monkeys can get very nasty - baring their sharps fangs and making threatening postures - when surrounded by too many camera toting tourists, who aggravate the situation by trying to feed them. One of the monkeys even had the audacity to make charge at me but I scared him off by making whooping noises and shaking my fist at him. Grrhhhh

Night One - Woodlands
Upon recommendation of the concierge at Traders Hotel, I went to Woodlands, a vegetarian Indian Restaurant located in nearby Little India. He reassured me that Woodlands was a very proper restaurant, popular with the upper class ethnic Indians who lived in Penang as well as tourists from Kuala Lumpur.

Well, needless to say I was pleasantly surprised. The décor was understated but very pleasant and looking around, most of the clientele were very well dressed locals. I ordered two dishes– Aloo Gobi , Garam Masala in addition to some Garlic rice and Garlic Naan(my favorite). While the service was very good, the food was outstanding, better than 95% of the Indian restaurants that I have been to in my life. The bill came to all of 14.30RM including a 5% service charge. Converting to USD that is $4.00USD - now that is cheap! Keep in mind, if you go to a local cafeteria style Indian restaurant, a whole dinner can be had for as little as $1.25USD!

Night Two - Sri Anana Bahwan
I returned to Little India about 9:00PM. Since Woodlands was closed, I went across the street to Sri Anana Bahwan, another Vegetarian Indian restaurant that I spotted the night before(and they were open till 10:00PM). The ambiance wasn’t quite as nice as Woodlands – a little bit too art deco for my tastes with black ‘n’ white tiled floor and huge whirring ceiling fans going full blast. Overall the food was good (better than average) and the service while friendly was at best mediocre. The bill came out to 17.50RM (approximately 5.00USD), still very affordable for a western tourist.

Night Three - Luk Yea Yan
On my third and final night, I consulted with my taxi driver, a Chinese fellow in his early 70’s, and I asked him to take me to the best Vegetarian Chinese restaurant in the area. He told me he knew of several places. We ended up at Luk Yea Yan, only a 7-minute drive from Traders Hotel. Not a very flashy or gaudy place, Luk Yea Yan was a very proper restaurant with a rather simple decor. Looking around the restaurant, there was a smattering of tourists but most of the clientele were natives of Penang.

After viewing their rather extensive menu, I ordered three dishes – a lotus flower rice dish, stir fried spicy greens and a vegetable satay plus some green tea.

The verdict – the food was very good (not quite as good as Su Hean in Taiping) but the service was just average. Total bill came to 23.60RM (6.60USD)

This Vegan’s overall verdict for PENANG, thumbs up!

On my last visit to Chiang Mai in December 2009, I decided to ignore my loyalties to Tawan Court and try something different. After considerable research online, I found the Banilah Hotel, a very stylish looking budget hotel located away from the tourist districts in a neighborhood popular with the University crowd.

The images on Banilah’s website are very flattering in an attempt to portray the hotel as a boutique property. While the office has a nice ambiance, the rooms were sort of dark and drab with very small and cramped bathroom facilities. When you take a shower, the toilet will get all wet. The hotel, which is over 3 years old, is beginning to show some signs of wear and tear. As with most local and budget hotels, there are no in-room safes or safe deposit boxes available at the front desk.

On the plus side, all the rooms have free Wifi and TV. In addition, the hotel offers complementary use of bicycles to all their guests.

Two of my biggest criticisms with Banilah are:

• The hotel management exercised very poor judgment by laying down a water hose across the narrow walkway to the guestrooms without putting up a caution sign. Somebody easily could have tripped and had an accident.
• The hotel staff doesn’t necessarily answer their phones during their normal business hours of 9:00AM – 6:00PM. That definitely created a problem for me. To give you some idea, I was near Taphae Gate in Chiang Mai (the opposite side of town) and was getting ready to return to Banilah by Tuk tuk about 4:30PM in the afternoon. As I was leaving on an early morning flight to Singapore, I had to retrieve my valuables from the hotel safe by 7:00PM (the hotel office closes at that time). As most of the tuk tuk drivers probably did not know of the hotel and where it was located, I tried calling the hotel numerous times to get directions but there was no answer. Fortunately the tuk tuk driver that I hired knew the way and I reached the hotel in less than 15 minutes.

Even though the hotel is a pretty good value, in light of my recent experience, I really cannot recommend Banilah Hotel at this time. Management needs to be more responsible to its guests, and most Western visitors might be not too pleased with its offbeat location. Then again, the hotel seems to cater mostly to a Thai clientele.

Sometime in the mid 1960’s, George lived in Japan for 5 years, where he was married twice and earned to speak Japanese fluently, before returning to Thailand to resume his career with the police force.

Tragedy struck George in the prime of his life in late 1973 (at the time he was 35 years old). While on duty in his patrol car, a speeding car sideswiped the vehicle. At the time of the accident, George was taking a nap in the front passenger seat, while his colleague was driving the car. His colleague escaped with minor injuries but George wasn’t so fortunate.

The accident left George paralyzed from the waist down. After extensive physical therapy, George was unable to continue his duties as a traffic cop and resigned from the Bangkok police force. Confined to a wheelchair, George had to adjust to his new life and was forced to reinvent himself.

Shortly after his mom died, he married the Thai lady who was his mom’s caregiver. Not only did she become George’s wife, but she also became his caregiver. Sometime later George and his wife relocated to Nan, his wife’s hometown and settled down.

While George cannot walk because of his paralysis, he doesn’t let that slow him down as he drives both a customized car for the handicapped as well as a mini motorcar. Well known in the community of Nan, George promotes his wife’s dog grooming business and teaches both English and Japanese (he is fluent in both languages) from his home. Believe it or not, I think George’s classes are free!

In addition, George accommodates out-of-town visitors (mostly western tourists)at his house with “bed and breakfast”. There are five guestrooms available; most of the rooms are equipped with private bathroom and a TV ‘to boot’. I have seen the rooms and in my opinion, they are pretty decent (better than most guesthouses in the area). There is one catch however - George refuses to charge his guests any monies. Apparently George does not need the monies - meeting and interacting with people is more important to him!

I promised GEORGE that I would publicize his guesthouse to fellow travelers on the condition that he accepts a minimum donation of 150 baht (approximately $5.00USD) per night which he will donate to a charity of his choosing, He reluctantly agreed to this stipulation and indicated that he would donate any monies he received to medical research that helps other paralysis victims. If you’re interested in visiting Nan and staying with George, contact him by e-mail at g_kemp83@yahoo.com or call him at 0832932394

Actually George Kemp is not his real name but only a pseudonym that he uses when he is dealing with westerners. You’ll understand why he prefers to go by the name of George Kemp, when you discover that his real name in Thai is Akarintrara Adhidhebnarangkura – which is way too difficult for most us farangs to pronounce.

I met George as I was leaving Hot Bread Café in downtown Nan. He was sitting in his customized motor vehicle which looks like a cross between a motorized golf cart and a motorcycle. I had never really seen a vehicle like this before, but it serves George well as he is paralyzed from the waist down.

A big strapping fellow about 6 ft 2 inches tall, George does not look Thai nor does he look like a classical westerner. George’s bloodlines are mixed - his mother was Thai and his father was a white man from England. With Asian eyes, high cheekbones and otherwise Caucasian features, George has a very exotic look about him.

After shooting the breeze for about 10 minutes with George (he speaks excellent English by the way), he invited me to see his house just up the road. Now normally I don’t accept invitations from complete strangers but given the circumstances, I thought why not – I didn’t think a fellow like George had any bad intentions. So I hopped on my bicycle and followed him to his home, located only 2 kilometers from the cafe.

Upon reaching his sprawling country house, I was greeted by a chorus of barking dogs - mostly small Poodles, Shih-tzus, Lhasa Apsos. Most of the dogs were being housed in small cages in the back of the yard. George then introduced me to his wife and his extended family - a couple of young Thai girls (children of a good friend) who were living with him. As for the dogs, George’s wife is a professional dog groomer, and the caged dogs were waiting for their beauty treatment.

Talking about himself, I learned that George had a very distinguished career as a captain in the Thai police force in Bangkok during the 1960s - mid 1970’s where he worked primarily as a traffic cop. The highlight of his career came in the late 1960’s, when George made a special trip to Germany as an envoy of the Thai police force. This special mission led to the introduction of Traffic Lights to the busy streets of Bangkok.

Coming up - Learn how a tragic car accident completely changed the remarkable life of George Kemp

Typically smaller budget (and local) hotels and guesthouses do not have in-room safes or safe deposit boxes, in which case storing your valuables in the hotel safe is the only option. But entrusting the hotel with your monies/passports/credit cards etc can be a dicey proposition. The hotel safe may consist of just a desk drawer which can be opened with a key, and in many cases the ‘so called hotel safe’ - especially in many smaller hotels – can be accessed by all the employees.

During my many years of travel, I have never been victimized by a hotel when storing my valuables in the hotel safe. I guess the numbers game finally caught up with me however - on my last trip to Thailand in late 2009, I may have been a victim of hotel theft on two separate occasions. In both instances, small hotels in Northern Thailand were involved - the first instance involved local currency (value of $140USD) and in the 2nd instance, traveler’s checks were involved (I was later reimbursed by American Express).

I am not going to cry over spilled milk, but here are some tips if you decide store your valuables in the hotel safe.

• To make things easier to keep track of, keep your local currency, traveler’s checks and your home currency in separate bundles. By all means, double check your inventory every time your valuables are accessed from the hotel safe.
• Maintain a written log/running account of all your monies, travelers checks etc. Every time you retrieve something from the hotel safe, by all means log it in and keep a running balance as if it was your bank or checking account.
• If there is any discrepancy, possible theft may have occurred in which case you should bring the matter up with hotel manager/owner. If possible, you should also file a report with the tourist police or the local authorities.
• If traveler’s checks are missing (and you have diligently logged in your usage), you will usually get a prompt refund from the company that issued the checks after you have filed a report. After the matter is reported, the missing checks will be deemed void and cannot be cashed by the perpetrator.

If I followed my own advice, I probably would have been unable to prevent the actual embezzlement but at least I would have more conclusive proof that it actually happened. The next step would have been to confront the hotel manager/owner. Oh well, next time…

Shortly after checking into my hotel in Taiping sometime late in the afternoon, the sky opened up with a very fierce torrential downpour complete with thunder and lightening. It rained hard for all of 15 minutes before it abruptly stopped. It was like the last movement of a symphony and I was tempted to give Mother Nature a standing ovation. After this initial downpour, Taiping was relatively dry for the remainder of my short visit.

As one of the oldest settlements in Malaysia, Taiping is steeped in history. Walking around old town (downtown), there are many old colonial buildings and a little further out is the Taiping Prison and the World War II Memorial Cemetery. By far, the most outstanding thing in Taiping are the magnificent lake gardens.

The Lake Gardens is truly Taiping’s centerpiece – its reputation is justly deserved. I can honestly say that I have never been to a more beautiful urban park. Rising above the lake and the town are the jungle-clad highlands - located just 10 Kilometers away (and at 1100 meters above sea level) is Bukit Larut, Malaysia’s oldest hill station retreat.

Although Taiping has the reputation of being of a small town, it is actually a sprawling city of close to 200,000 people if you include all the satellite communities and towns which make up the metropolitan area. Approximately 60% of Taiping’s population are Chinese with Malays accounting for roughly 30% and Indians 10%. I was told that these three ethnic groups live for the most part in different districts.

In addition, a lot wealthy people from Kuala Lumpur retire in Taiping because it is such a peaceful and relaxing city, quite a change of pace from the hustle ‘n’ bustle of the big city. Most of these “wealthy retirees” have built rather opulent homes around Taiping Lake Gardens but they maintain a rather low profile.

This Traveler can honestly say that Taiping is the most pleasant city that I have visited in Malaysia. While Taiping may be unsophisticated and kind of worn & frayed around the edges, her inner beauty grows on you after awhile.

It should be noted that Taiping has some wonderful Gourmet Chinese restaurants including two that are completely vegetarian. I highly recommend Su Hean – the food was extraordinary, very cheap and 100% vegetarian.

Although a short hike of only 250 meters, one should not attempt it alone. It is so easy to get lost and the footing up the muddy slope is somewhat difficult as the trail is overgrown by the dense jungle vegetation. I found myself climbing over branches and vines; fortunately, my guide knew exactly where to step.

Of course, one must be prepared to “pick up” a couple of leeches.

After about 15 minutes of relatively strenuous hiking, we finally reached the monument. Partially covered by vines and jungle greenery, the monument commemorates the visit of Mr. Birch, the first Englishman to climb this hill. Engraved on the stone was the following:

“THE FIRST ENGLISHMAN TO CLIMB THIS HILL WAS MR T.W.W. BIRCH. FIRST BRITISH RESIDENT OF PERAK IN 1875”

The hill to the monument was later remained Birch Hill after the famous Englishman.

After returning to the main road safe and sound, I breathed a sigh of relief after completing this minitrek successfully without incident. Too bad that my all my camera batteries were dead so I wasn’t able to take any pictures of my expedition. Just the same, there was definitely a sense of exhilaration of having been one of the privileged few to have actually seen this almost forgotten monument – truly an important piece of Malaysian history.

While writing this blogpost, I did some research about this monument. It seems there is a discrepancy about the correctness of the inscription. An excellent report about the rediscovery of the forgotten monument and its context in Malaysian history (and the history of the state of Perak) explains everything.