When I attended the local Carnival in the rural village of Boklua located in Northern Thailand’s Nan Province, it brought back wonderful memories of my childhood and I had terrific time.

The Carnival was a fundraiser for the local medical clinic, so all the monies went to a good cause. A variety of novel games were going on, including one which involved tossing rings on coke bottles. I played one game but failed miserably as my throws were way off the mark.

Another game was drawing quite a crowd and generating a lot of excitement (and noise) so I moved in that direction. Moving closer to the scene, I could see many people gathered around a small makeshift ring with chutes around the circumference. Suddenly, a young lady appeared and jumped into the ring, collecting bets from the frenzied spectators. The bets were in denomination of 5 baht. Not knowing what was going on, at first, I thought it was some version of the old crab race game.

Boy, I was way off base. I finally realized what was happening, when a young man let loose a small furry critter out ofa thick bamboo tube – the critter was a mouse. The little mouse scurried around the pit for a bit, accompanied by banging sticks and the clamor of the crowd, before dodging into one of the marked chutes. I had never seen anything like this before and I had good laugh.

Caught in the Spirit of the Carnival, I decided to make some bets on the next contest. First go-around, I selected only two chutes and I lost; 2nd time around, I selected 8 out of the 12 possible chutes. Pretty good odds, if you ask me! Needless to say, the little mouse dashed into chute #6 – which was one of the many that I bet on, so I came up a big winner.

My prize? It was a bag of sunflower chips which I later gave to a young lad who worked at my hotel. Who said that “an old fart” like me couldn’t have any fun in Thailand?

The best place to shop for T-shirts in Thailand is the Chiang Mai Night Bazaar. There is no other place in Thailand that has the variety that is offered here. The designs range from the sexually explicit (naughty) to the comically inane; in between, you can find a variety of very elegant and stylish T-shirts with some very aesthetically pleasing designs.

The most outrageous T-Shirts that I have seen in recent memory has to be a toss up between the T-shirt that lambasted our former President George W Bush and the x-rated “Blowjob is better than No Job” T-shirt. The Blowjob T-Shirt in particular was executed very well with very bold white lettering against a black background – very simple and to the point, elegant and classy in its own vulgar way.

I was walking through the Night Bazaar last year when I saw the Blowjob T-shirt. I did a double take as it was so outrageous and I had the sales clerk hold it up for me so I could take a picture. Walking away from the outdoor shop, I suddenly reversed directions and headed back to the shop. I had decided to to buy the T-shirt as a collector’s item.

Most Thai people cannot read or understand English very well; those that are well versed in English – like my ladyfriend, Khun Moongmink – do not know what the expression blow job means anyhow. Even the Thai people who understand the meaning of Blow Job might chuckle when looking at the T-Shirt or look the other way. You must understand that as a Buddhist country, Thailand is a very tolerant country. There is an expression in Thai, “Mai Pen Rai”. Literally it means Never Mind or Who Cares which really describes Thai mentality to a tee.

Back in the USA, I have to be very careful where and when I wear this Blowjob T-shirt as I would be inviting a lot of stares, and I can imagine that many ladies would be very disgusted. Who knows, some very prude lady might make a complaint to the local police!

I’m sure you’ve heard of the famous proverb of the Three Wise Monkeys – “Hear no evil, Speak no evil, See no evil.”

With a little choreography, I recreated the Three Wise Monkeys famous pose in Ban Na Tong, a small rural village located about 30 KM from Phrae in Northern Thailand. I chose three kids from the local school there, had them place some Bua Tong - Wild Mexican Sunflower – on top of their heads and placed the children in front of a monkey shrine.

I’m sure they had no clue, what the significance of this pose – but then again, I could be wrong. Westerners probably are not aware of the origins of “The Three Monkeys” proverb as well – it is based on a 17th century carving over a door of a famous shrine in Japan, but apparently the philosophy has deeper roots – from a Buddhist legend in 8th century China.

All I know, it makes for a classical – somewhat hilarious picture.

In United States and many Western countries, it is customary to leave a tip for the waiter/waitress at a restaurant or bar. The amount of the tip varies depending on the quality of the service. The exact tip amount is of course at the discretion of the customer. In the USA for average service, the acceptable tip percentage is 15%.

Things are far different in Southeast Asian countries like Thailand and Malaysia, where tipping is not the standard practice among the locals and in general, tips are not expected by most of the local restaurants. However in high-end restaurants - or those that cater exclusively to oversea tourists - tipping is more commonplace, and in many instances the gratuity - normally 10-15% - is included in the bill.

I have experienced the built-in gratuity myself at high-end restaurants like the Rang Mahal, the most prestigious Indian restaurant in Bangkok. At the more humble Raan Derm, a Thai restaurant on Sukhumvit Soi 22 which caters both to middle class locals and tourists, they add 7% gratuity to the bill.

To give you an idea about the prevailing attitude towards Tipping in Southeast Asia, I have two relatively comical stories that I will share with you – both experiences took place in Malaysia.

While I was in Taiping, a very lovely city located in Perak State (Northwest Malaysia), I patronized Su Hean , a Vegan Chinese restaurant which had recommended to me by a local. The restaurant was very proper but not flashy by any means and catered primarily to the relatively affluent Chinese community in Taiping.

On my 2nd visit there, I ordered a couple of veggie plates. The total bill came to roughly 14.00RM (or $4.30USD). Very cheap for me! Since the service was fairly good , the waitress was very nice (and the food was delicious), I left a tip of 4.00RM (or about $1.20USD). Upon leaving the restaurant, the young girl came running after me with a very concerned look on her face and said to me “Sir, you forgot some monies on the table”. Smiling, I said to her “Young lady, that is your tip.”

Several days later I traveled to Penang, the most popular tourist destination in Malaysia, and well known for its excellent restaurants. On my last night there, my Taxi driver took to me Luk Yea Yan, a well-regarded Vegan Chinese restaurant. Again this was a proper restaurant, not a greasy spoon affair. Upon hearing my story about my experience in Taiping, he laughed and told me that only Americans tips - most Europeans do not!

So after the meal, since the service was better than average, I left a tip which represented about 22% of the bill. Upon leaving, the taxi driver told me that the restaurant owner said to him “Your customer forgot some monies at the table”. We both had a good laugh!

I hopped into a taxi at the BTS station at Thong Lo in Bangkok.
The driver’s name was Sid, a friendly chap in his early 60’s. Sid started the conversation by asking the usual question - “Where are you from?” For most Thai people, this is like saying hello!

I gave Sid my standard ‘where you from answer’ – “I am from many different places”, which of course threw him a bit off balance – as it does to most Thai people - as they don’t know what to make of it.

But being a nice guy, I decided to give Sid a break by adding that I’m originally from San Francisco. Breaking out into a beatific smile, Sid replied - “Oh you’re an American. America good!” Thai people like Americans in the post Bush era!

The conversation drifted into various aspects of American pop culture and history. The conversation went like this:

Sid - I like John F Kennedy.
Me - Oh yeah, Kennedy was a real playboy, had lots of girlfriends.
Sid - I like that

I mentioned that Teddy, the last Kennedy brother, passed on earlier in the year to which Sid replied, “I know”.

Sid - Do you like Edwin Pechuri?
(I really couldn’t figure out what Sid was saying, but it sounded like Edwin Pechuri)
Me – Edwin Pechuri? Who is he?

Sid asked me repeatedly, whether I liked Edwin Pechuri (or something like that), but for the life of me, I really didn’t understand him!

Me - What does this Edwin Pechuri do?
Sid – He’s famous singer.

I thought for a couple for a couple of moments, trying to figure out what Sid was saying and who was this Edwin Pechuri character that he kept referring to. All of a sudden I had a light bulb moment in my brain, and I asked him “ Oh, do you mean Elvis Presley (sounds like Edwin Pechuri)?” Sid smiled and said, “Yeah that’s who I am talking about.”

We both laughed as Sid finally reached my destination and let me out. As I enjoyed the ride and the conversation with Sid, I gave him a tip of 10 baht over the meter fare.

Morale of the story – For most Thai people, speaking English with correct pronunciation is very tricky. On the flip side, I can only imagine, how difficult it is for Thai people to understand me, when I try to speak Thai.
Same, same but different!

I met Mah Jong and his colleague, Kah Ching at Phu Lang Ka Resort in rural Northern Thailand. They are somewhat typical of dogs of the rural area – average height with short yellow hair and a somewhat stocky build. To be honest with you, the typical Thai dog is somewhat drab in appearance.

Traveling throughout Thailand, I have seen so many look-alikes among the dogs in the countryside – one wonders if they are all related as Thai people don’t believe in getting their dogs fixed and the females have such large litters. As pets, the stereotypical Thai mutt do not cost more than 1 baht – in other words they are free for the asking.

Mah Jong and Kah Ching are not pets of Kevan, the owner of Phu Lang Ka or any of this employees – these Thai pooches belong to some of Kevan’s neighbors. During the height of the tourist seasons which last from November – February, they can be seen hanging around Phu Lang Ka Lodge for most of the day, going from table to table looking for food, eating the many leftovers from the guest’s meals.

Unlike Jah Thep (Kevan’s dog) who is a very civilized, sweet and obedient dog, these mutts are professional freeloaders or moochers. Mah Jong and his cohort do not provide any valuable service to the owner such as extra security i.e.watch dogs nor do they really mingle with the guests like Jah Thep. You’d think that these dogs would at least bark when a stranger approaches – not these mutts!

And when the season is over and the food supply dries up, these pooches disappear and go elsewhere

To be honest with you, I have never seen a better-fed doggie than Mah Jong. On my first night at there, I saw him down the leftovers from a large grilled fish, Thai soup, rice and greens from one table, then he went to another table to devour some more leftovers.

Depending upon how you look at it, I guess Mah Jong and Kah Ching can be considered professional recyclers or seasonal busboys.

I called my sister from Taiping, a city of 100,000 people in the state of Perak in northwestern Malaysia. Now most people with any sense of geography know that Malaysia is located south of Thailand and the whole country is very tropical, by virtue of being so close to the equator.

Now my sister is not ignorant by any means, having earned a B.A in Sociology from UC Berkeley and having worked as a social worker for a good part of her adult life. Furthermore she has traveled to such diverse tropical places such as Mexico, Hawaii and the Caribbean. Yet I had found it very difficult to refrain from laughing out loud, when my sister innocently asked me “Is it very tropical?”

I answered her in rather stern tone “Yes, Taiping is very tropical. It is considered the rainiest city in Peninsular Malaysia.” Excuse me for being such a smart-ass!

Funny thing is that it rained relatively little during my brief five day stay in the Taiping Area. Shortly after I checked into my hotel in downtown Taiping, there was a rather fierce torrential downpour with thunder and lightning which lasted a brief 7 minutes. And I loved every minute of it!.

Outside of this brief deluge, there was only some moderate rainfall - during day three of my stay, there was some steady rain sometime late in the afternoon, and on my departure day, there was some light rainfall throughout the state of Perak. Oh well….

Traveling in a foreign country, the traveler will most likely experience communication problems, especially when the language and culture is radically different than his own. This is definitely the case with Thailand - even though Thailand is westernized to a degree, it’s language and culture is still very exotic and foreign.

Sometimes it can be very frustrating, and in some cases very hilarious when trying to communicate to a Thai (especially when trying to ask directions), as most Thais speak and understand nitnoy English, and even the most accomplished English speakers are sometimes hard to understand because of their accent and difficulty with pronunciation of certain English words. *

To give you some idea, I will tell you about a hilarious incident of miscommunications that happened to me while I was visiting the city of Phrae in Northern Thailand. I call it the tale of “Monkeys Must Be Free”.

I was taking an all day tour of the city. The whole itinerary had been discussed in advance with a gentleman from the regional tourist office and the owner of Phoom Thai Garden Hotel, both of whom spoke fairly good English.

My driver (Let’s call him Lou), who drove a dilapidated songthaew, spoke absolutely no English. Out first stop was Ban Na Tong, a small village located in countryside about 32 KM away from the city. The village offered homestay accommodations and was a sanctuary for the Big Headed Siamese Turtle, an endangered species.

Fortunately, the resident teacher of the village spoke some English and showed me around. Afterwards he asked me if I was going to see the Pet Monkeys? I shook my head and said “No, I’m not interested in seeing any pet monkeys.” I asserted that all monkeys must be free and not be held in captivity. The teacher talked briefly to Lou, my driver, in Thai about the rest of my itinerary shortly before we continued with my touring.

After stopping at a couple of more places, we returned to the Hotel whereupon the owner greeted us. He talked to Lou in Thai for a couple of minutes and turned to me and said “The driver said that the farang (referring to me) was not interested in seeing Pet Monkeys, so he didn’t take me there.”

The owner, who had an excellent command of the English language, laughed out loud and explained to me that Phae Muang Phi referred to an area just 7KM outside the city where there were some unusual earth pillars. The pronunciation of Phae Muang Phi was almost identical to the English pronunciation of pet monkeys - therein lies the source of the misunderstanding. The owner asked me if I still want to go to Phae Muang Phi, to which replied Hell Yeah, so long as the Monkeys are free!