The Chiang Mai Night Bazaar is definitely bizarre. Strolling through this crowded ½ mile stretch of wall-to-wall sidewalk concessions is definitely a can’t miss experience for the first time visitor to Chiang Mai. Everything under the sun is for sale here – from handbags, knockoff jeans, pirated DVDS and a variety of clothing accessories to tacky (and obscene) T-shirts to faux bugs and snakes. Weaving through the parade of tourists are young Akha girls and women dressed in their native finery, trying to sell costume jewelry as well as wooden frogs that croak when you rub their top with a small wooden mallet. Whenever I hear the croaking frogs, I say “poot Gop” (in English, frog speak) as the Akha girls pass me by with a big smile on their face. In the past, I have purchased a couple of these novelty items. The variety of T-Shirts with tacky and tasteless designs is amazing, however if you look hard enough you’re bound to find one that has a design that is both aesthetically pleasing and made of quality material. On my last trip, the most outrageous T-Shirt I saw was a satirical condemnation of our former President, George Bush, who certainly is not the most highly regarded man in the world.

Before my little stroll through the night bazaar, I took my colleague and friend, Ms Moongmink, out for dinner at the Whole Earth Restaurant. Specializing in nouvelle interpretations of traditional Thai and Indian dishes (with many vegetarian choices), Whole Earth is a casual and semi-elegant restaurant, very popular with both well-heeled Thais and the tourist crowd. Unlike many Thai restaurants in Chiang Mai which cater to young backpackers, it is not cheap, but for a western tourist the Whole Earth cannot be considered expensive either.

After a very enjoyable dinner, a very unusual thing happened when I requested the bill “check bin”. I was simultaneously shocked, offended and humored when the young waitress presented the bill to my female friend instead of me. Feigning embarrassment, I immediately snatched the bill from my friend. Call me an American chauvinist if you will! I told her that this was the first time in my life that a waitress/waiter at a proper restaurant handed the bill to my female date. Explaining the young waitress’s rationale for her behavior, Moongmink gave me some very valuable insight into Thai culture and mentality. I’m sure Moongmink will come forth with her explanation shortly!

When I told the manager of Ancasa Hotel in Kuala Lumpur that I wanted to buy as gifts some high quality T-shirts with a simple but tasteful design, he suggested that I go to the nearby Petronas Towers. Rising far above the flat city landscape, these towers are the highest twin skyscrapers in the world and are Kuala Lumpur’s claim to fame. Although these towers can be seen from anywhere in this large cosmopolitan city of over 1.6 million, like most imposing landmarks they look closer than they actually are. Getting off at the closest underground railway stop, I had to walk over 1/2 mile before reaching the towers. There is a huge shopping complex, which occupies the lower floors containing many fancy, upscale and expensive boutique stores. In a way, the shopping complex reminds me of the Emporium in Bangkok, but considerably more grandiose. Insofar as finding the T-shirts that I was looking for, it happened to be a bum steer and an exercise in futility.

After finally reaching the towers in a roundabout way (I admittedly got a little lost), I made a beeline for the information counter, where I asked the young ladies for the best shops to buy high quality T-shirts. They gave me some leads – I spent the next hour going to at least 4-5 shops, only to discover that none of them had what I was looking for – they all carried the same cheesy T-shirts albeit of mediocre quality that most teenagers buy for the outrageous price of 72RM ($28USD).

Upon recommendation of somebody who worked in one of the department stores, the last store I visited was Banana Republic. This turned out to be the biggest joke of all. The young, affable sales clerk showed me a very flimsy T-Shirt with a design that reminded me of something that one would find in New York City. Out of curiosity, I asked her what was the price - she replied “150RM” ($42USD). I laughed as I told the sales clerk point blank, someone would have to “insane” to buy one of these T-shirts for $42. She smiled and said she bought one for her boyfriend, to which I replied suuureee! Then she went on to tell me that the T-shirts are made in the USA - no wonder they have western designs that you would expect to find New York City - and the reason why customers are willing to pay so much monies for these T-shirts is because they have the Banana Republic label. I laughed and repeated my assertion that any Western tourist who bought a Banana Republic T-shirt in Kuala Lumpur had to have a couple of screws loose.

Leaving the store, I thanked the sales clerk for her time and for putting up with my blatant sarcasm. I concluded that all these fancy boutique stores at the Twin Towers were really geared for the domestic market, not for the tourist crowd. It seems that there is quite a market for status conscious locals who are willing to throw their monies away.

Returning to my hotel by the underground train sometime in the early evening hours, my attempt to buy some T-shirts for gifts in Kuala Lumpur turned out to be an exercise in futility. In retrospect, I realized that I would have been lot better off staying at my hotel and taking a nap. Every dog has his day!

There is HAPEE ENDING to all of this - During my brief stay in the old colonial town of Melaka, about 2 hours south of Kuala Lumpur, I found what I was looking for - cost per T-Shirt ranged between 35RM-50RM ($10-14USD). Mission accomplished!